As the effects of the global pandemic bit harder and harder, musicians such as bass guitarist Guy Pratt,
now unable to tour, turned to making videos on YouTube. Most, if not all here would be aware of Guy’s
hugely popular Lockdown Licks.
Me not being a bass guitarist I wasn’t overly interested in the tutorial side of the videos. But his stories were entertaining and, most excitingly for me, he personally responded to viewers’ posts. Mind you, more often than not his response would be to kick the poster up the backside for things like asking a question he’d already answered, asking him to play a song he’d already played, or worse, asking him to play a song he’d NEVER played.
I posed a sensible question to Guy on one of the videos and he soon answered it. I didn’t tell him who I was, but put the post under the name of my “songwriting production company” Damn Cold Music. I was worried that, being a guy so keen on a good laugh, that if he remembered me from the Earls Court seating disaster back in 1994 he’d be tempted to have some fun with it on the forum. Suddenly my guilt would be known and the hounds of compensation could be released in my direction.
As Guy was a stand-up comedian as well as a stand-up bass player, I thought he would be a good candidate for a copy of Mad About The House. Under my cloak of anonymity I appealed to Guy’s sense of humour. (I remember saying, “Guy, you’re a funny … guy. And you like a laugh… Well, there’s this really funny short story about blah blah blah…”)
He responded again telling me to email a PDF to his manager. I was absolutely stoked! For a few
moments.
I’ll get to his reaction in a later chapter, but in the mean time I started posting other stuff in Guy’s video
chats.
It occurred to me that when the ’94 seating disaster occurred my name was Albert Magoolie. I was now Albert Mooglie! So I needn’t have worried about posting to Guy under that name. If I didn’t actually mention that I worked for Pink Floyd and played some minor role in the collapse of a few seats, I was fairly certain he’d never put the two names together! He’s only a bass player, after all. Only a small step up in smartness from a drummer!
Armed with a new found confidence I was now free to contribute more comments on Lockdown Licks. Guy’s jovial manner and humorous storylines sparked within me an irresistible urge to dramatize him in rhyme, and the most appropriate form of verse here was the humble limerick.
I had long been a fan of the Irish verse, and become reasonably good at it. Good enough to win a competition on Australia’s ABC Radio in 2008 writing limericks about Test Match Cricket. Prior to that, in 2004 a set of limericks I’d written about Pakistan’s lumbering cricket Captain Inzamam Ul Haq were read out on air during a Test match, even though there was no limerick competition happening at the time.
My favourite verse was this:
Though it’s nasty to bag him, I know
Three toed sloths could make Inzi look slow
My old man would be
Far more lively than he
And he passed away five years ago
Hearing guffaws and chortles emanating from the back of the commentary box as the limericks were read out remains one of the biggest buzzes I’ve had in my life. Thankfully I was able to record it all, and still have the tapes in a cupboard somewhere.
Getting back to Guy Pratt, he represented perfect limerick material, and I was simply unable to resist the urge to write some about him.
I wrote three sets of limericks, with each set being based on either Guy’s appearance or details he had mentioned in his videos.
I won’t include them here, but if anyone’s interested they are posted in the comments section of Lockdown Licks Episodes 12, 17 and 19, with Guy responding to each set of limericks.
Sadly, (at least at the time of writing this) Lockdown Licks seems to have run its course, finishing on Episode 23.
Guy has instead concentrated his efforts on his Roconteurs podcast with Saucerful of Secrets band mate Gary Kemp.
I have to say though, isn’t it amazing how in the
Roconteurs podcast promo Gary Kemp looks like
Guy Pratt and Guy Pratt looks like Gary Kemp!